Crime Watch: Boro In Frame For Mugging

AVON Police were continuing their inquiries today after an 11 strong gang dressed in black carried out an audacious robbery in full view of TV cameras.
The shell-shocked victims were left stunned and shaken after the split-second mugging in the Bristol area. Police sources reported that three precious points, priceless and of enormous sentimental value were stolen.
Witnesses reported the attack came out-of-the-blue as the victims were packing up to go home after a hard day’s work but admitted they never saw it coming and couldn’t explain exactly how it happened.
Phew. It looks like brass-necked Boro have got away with it. Who says crime doesn’t pay?


Poor Bristol City will feel agrieved at being left dumped on the floor, battered and bruised and empty-handed in such cruel fashion. But hey, it’s happened to us often enough. If you’re not going to keep a firm grip on your valuables in such a high crime environment as
the Championship no one will have too much sympathy.
That said, you’ve got to feel for Bristol a bit though. After you’ve stopped laughing.
The Robins dominated the first half as their pace and movement going forward in numbers repeatedly opened up a creaky Boro midfield and found a lot of space down the flanks to penetrate the box.
And they brought a string of crucial saves from Jason Steele. In the first half there was a
spectaular full length block from Maynard after he could only fumble away an awkwardly bouncing Woolford strike then after the break he reacted superbly to deny first a low angled Adomah drive then a stabbed close range Pitman effort. When the pressure was on he kept Boro in the game (Whether that will silence the boo boys we will see.)
Bristol also had what looked on TV replays to be a decent shout for a penalty as Julio Arca
appeared to block a Kilkenny cross with his arm in the second half but it must be said that
despite the screams from the crowd very few of the players appealed for it.
Boro in contrast showed little direct threat for the first 90 minutes. In the first half passes went astray, they were caught dawdling on the ball with alarming frequency – Julio Arca was caught three times in five torrid minutes – and too often they opted for hopeful long balls forward down the flanks to be chased by a lone front-runner or high balls into the box that were gobbled up. It was poor fare.
You could almost hear the armchair audience back in Teesside caving in half-heartedly and handing over the remote so womenfolk and children could watch Strictly Come Dancing.
They would have missed the best of the entertainment. Boro improved dramatically after the break. Rhys Williams and Matthew Bates stepped up as Boro tightened up at the back and gradually put the shackles on City’s front-runners.
In midfield Boro were starting to win the battle with hard as nails Nicky Bailey – who shrugged off a hefty whack in the undercarriage from flying studs a master-class in abrasive perpetual motion. Not only was he putting in some excellent tackles and tidying up in and around the box, he also played a string of sublime long passes as Boro started to gain the upper hand and started to press forward more. In fact, had it not been for the stoppage time street crime, this blog would have been almost entirely about him.
So, Boro improved. There were spells of decent pressure and more intent and some crisp passing moves around the Bristol box but despite that pensionable shot-stopper David James still never had a serious save to make from blunt Boro. Same old, same old. In that respect, January can’t come fast enough.
Arca scooped high over, Hoyte sent one dipping over the bar, McDonald and Arca had shots
charged own in the crowd and – after James came out of his box to chest away a cross – Haroun sent a long range effort bouncing wide of the far post but there were two defenders on hand to usher it harmlessly out.
Boro had ridden their luck in the first half and arguably had the edge in the second half without showing the teeth or clinical cutting edge needed to win. On 90 minutes a draw looked a fair, if frustarting (for both sides) result. Everyone was packing up to go. The home fans were only staying to boo the referee off.
So Malaury Martin’s stoppage time sizzler was a stunner.
The added time exocet that screamed home to spark an explosive, disbelieving celebration on the pitch and in the away end – and make the long journey home far more fun – was Boro’s first real effort on target. You’ve got to laugh.
Winning ugly – and on telly again too… bloody repeats! – is not a bad habit for Boro to get
into. Wins still count when you’ve stolen them. I can live with the guilt. There is no column in the table for undeserved points.

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23 thoughts on “Crime Watch: Boro In Frame For Mugging

  1. Over the season luck evens out and I’m sure we were due a break. More ‘lucky’ away wins please.
    Dear Santa,
    I dont wan’t anything for christmas thank you (I’m that kinda guy!), but could you see your way clear to delivering a goal scoring striker wearing a Boro shirt to the Riverside please?
    PS – I’ll leave out mince pies, whisky,carrots for Rudolph etc etc.

  2. I still don’t get why Steele has attracted so many boo boys. His one mistake yesterday was instantly redeemed, and with interest during the rest of the game. He’s done nothing wrong since coming back, and at his age that’s seriously impressive for a keeper his age. It must be cos he’s a bit ginger

  3. Bailey was immense but I thought Haroun once put in the middle was much more like it driving forward and linking up with the front two. That was what was missing for the entire first half.
    Lets see if the wonder goal gets Martin on the pitch for Brighton.

  4. Talking of tables, there are no columns about goalkeeping saves either. When you consider Steele made a save at Maynards feet from his own mistake and then a save from a mis-hit shot that brought about a mis-hit shot then so what.
    He made saves that he is paid to make. Alves managed to get the keeper to make routine saves every week. Steele didnt have the type of performance that made him MOTM, he did his job and that is it.
    The players are paid to put the ball past the keeper in to the net, we have a long list of candidates unable to do that: Alves, Dong Gook Lee, Caleb, Forlorn, Marcus Bent, Lee Miller, Nimely, Ogbeche, Euell. You name them and we have the unsold replica shirts to match.
    If you dont get it past the keeper you may as well shoot over the bar unless you work the keeper that isnt routine saves. As usual I am being obtuse but there you are, I dont think either team did enough to win.
    Do I look bothered?

  5. So we’re well placed in the league come January ( only a spectacular collapse could stop that ) forget about the “typical Boro” Christmas slump. Nothing typical about this team.
    Which significant player does TM buy, his words. This would rule out a Premier player on loan. Suggestions please………as I haven’t a clue

  6. The blooganaut seems to be struggling to build up a head of steam, all the posts have vanished! I’ve got no one to talk to…………!

  7. As ronmarg has pointed out Mogga has his eye on a ‘significant player’, so who is it?
    Assuming Chelsea get knocked out of the champions League tonight, maybe Drogba would be available, or alternatively Anelka whose transfer request has been accepted?
    Seriously though, any ideas anyone?

  8. I am one of the Steele boo boys, but only in respect that I want the coaches to teach him how to command the area, marshal his defenders and instill confidence in his backline the same way Crossley, Smith and Ikeme have done. That way he wont have a great reputation as a shot stopper, he will indeed be the complete article.
    Schwarzer was the same. Too many times do Jason and Skippy get themselves into the position of needing to pull out a world class save when the problem should have been snuffed out earlier.
    Is it coincidence that the keepers I mention above had their game coaching somewhere else?
    So please take this as constructive criticism, it seems our coaching has weaknesses in goal scoring and aspects of goal keeping, patch these holes and reap the benefits!
    BRING BACK THE 86 BADGE!

  9. Nigel –
    The blog seems to have a mind of its own. Last one thrown out because I hadnt put my name in even though I had.
    Ignorant –
    Mogga has been tossing and turning all week since subbing a defender with a defender and midfielder with a midfielder. He just doesnt know why he did it.
    Martin wont start and to be fair we havent seen enough of him. What I will say is that like Kink he will have a pop at goal. That is perfect when they come on as subs as they give you chance unlike our non striking strikers.
    Which brings me on to Nimely, doesnt his loan finish in a couple of weeks? I think we may be letting him go back to Citeh. Balotelli and Aguera must be quaking in their boots.

  10. ronmarg –
    Any one (or 2!!!) of Billy Sharp (Donny), Nicky Maynard (Bristol C), or Sam Vokes (Wolves, but currently on loan at Burnley). Or the guy who keeps banging them in for Huddersfield, can’t remember his name.
    It doesn’t really matter as long as we get someone who scores every second or third game, can head a ball and can play football in the way TM wants the team to play. Simples!

  11. Len, at 2.41pm – sadly you failed!
    And now, as if by magic, the Blog remembers one’s name and e-mail address! Must be a miracle. This week it accepts posts; next week it will refuse all offers. The week after that it will crash, and for the New Year it will be working as if brand new.
    Technology: untypical, isn’t it?
    **AV writes: Tell me about it. I’m on the phone twice a day. I know the techies at Canary Wharf so well now I’ve been invited to their office Christmas beano.

  12. THE BLOG RELOADED
    Eric: I know why you’re here, AV. I know what you’ve been doing… why you hardly sleep, why you live alone and why night after night, you sit by your computer. You’re looking for him. I know because I was once looking for the same thing. And when he found me, he told me I wasn’t really looking for him. I was looking for an answer. It’s the question that drives us, AV. It’s the question that brought you here. You know the question, just as I did.
    AV: Who is Mosso Cloudfiles?
    Eric: The answer is out there, AV, and it’s looking for you, and it will find you if you want it to.
    Eric: Untypical Boro is a system, AV. That system is our voice. But when you’re inside, you look around, what do you see? Businessmen, Teachers, Lawyers, Carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system and that makes them our support. You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inured, so hopelessly dependent on the Blog that they will fight to protect it.
    AV: This… this isn’t Untypical Boro?
    Eric: No. It is another training program designed to teach you one thing: if you are not one of us, you are one of them.
    Eric: I imagine that right now, you’re feeling a bit like Alice. Hmm? Tumbling down the rabbit hole?
    AV: You could say that.
    Eric: I see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he is expecting to wake up. Ironically, that’s not far from the truth. Do you believe in fate, AV?
    AV: No.
    Eric: Why not?
    AV: Because I don’t like the idea that I’m not in control of the Blog.
    Eric: I know *exactly* what you mean. Let me tell you why you’re here. You’re here because you know something. What you know you can’t explain, but you feel it. You’ve felt it your entire life, that there’s something wrong with the world. You don’t know what it is, but its there, like a splinter in your mind, driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I’m talking about?
    AV: The Boro.
    Eric: Do you want to know what it is?
    AV: Yes.
    Eric: The Boro is everywhere. It is all around us. Even now, in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work… when you go to church… when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.
    AV: What truth?
    Eric: That you are a slave, AV. Like everyone else you were born into Boro bondage, into a prison, one that you cannot taste or see or touch. A prison for your mind. I escaped AV, do yourself a favour, and get out now, while you still can.
    **AV writes: Excellent stuff. We haven’t had a good movie spoof for ages. And all true.

  13. Forever Dormo –
    It hasnt been remembering my name and email adress, there again Vic may have added me in as malicious mail or spam.
    In many ways the blog is just like the Boro, no matter how much graft we put in to posting the posts for column just doesnt show any reward.
    Part of the problem is always down to the importance to the provider. I work across sundry providers with their quirky websites.
    Typical of one was two buttons at the bottom of the page. One said save and return later, one said continue.
    Being of a certain age I continued to inputting info page by page and pressing the continue button. The system crashed and at 4.00pm on a Friday and everything was lost. I phoned up their techie people to try and recover it to be told that if I hadnt saved it, I would have to start again.
    It transpires that save and return later brought up two further buttons, save and return later and save and continue. Sorry, yes it was a fault in the system that you found out about the hard way.
    Same people had a form for us to complete that had a sentance saying a signature was NOT mandatory. Rules changed and NOT became IS without telling anyone. The solution was simple and elegant, use Adobe writer to change the form. Too much trouble yet it would take seconds to alter and reattach.
    Of course the people needed to do the changes didnt have to sort out the faulty paperwork so it never got done.
    Same goes for Vics blog, it is probably no big deal to Trinity Towers. A blog on a provincial paper for a non premiership team outside London is probably low on the list of priorities.
    Wonder if Murdoch is interested in starting a blog……. Unhacked Boro? Will that stay in or more to the point will it get there!
    **AV writes: As you say, we are well down the food chain. We are part of a big national network that is constantly being added too, updated and tweaked. Whenever that happens bugs and conflicts arise and when they set about fixing them they start at the top. We have just had a massive upgrade of servers and software so there are teething problems but I am assured that when it is all in place it will really fly. Every time I’m told about impending “improvements” my heart sinks.

  14. ‘Impending improvements, AV?’ Is this code for the Swedish midfielder we’re rumoured to be definitely not interested in? Or have you heard that we are intent on bringing in a Dutch- based Brazilian goal machine, or even a South Korean international ‘Lion-King’ striker?
    If you do know I’m sure you’re sworn to secrecy until the deal is done, but are there any inklings of a few spare coppers jingling in Gibbo’s pockets for the impending transfer window?

  15. “**AV writes: Excellent stuff. We haven’t had a good movie spoof for ages. And all true.”
    The truth is there have been many but the construct has hidden them. They are probably in a parallel universe.
    They could be in the black hole that swallowed Josh Walker, Kink and Smallwood.

  16. Out of that Black Hole, a very old man with a cat predicts that Smallwood will reappear to the surprise of most and the joy of many. Where there was darkness, there shall be light. And it will be good.
    (And if Trinity Mirror has been hacking me, can it please confirm to Mrs Dormo that I live a boring and blameless life with very little to shout about?)

  17. Prompted by GHW and Dormo –
    Mathew 8:12, some translations
    New International Version (©1984)
    But the subjects of the kingdom will be thrown outside, into the darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”
    New Living Translation (©2007)
    But many Israelites–those for whom the Kingdom was prepared–will be thrown into outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”
    English Standard Version (©2001)
    while the sons of the kingdom will be thrown into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”
    Relegation or the blog? Discuss.

  18. Been working really hard…put up the Blog for a bit of light relief in order to wind down before bed…read three versions of the same Bible verse…! Now come on, theological debate at this time of the day? I haven’t got all night, you know.
    Oh…what the heck. In this, of all years, the 400th since its completion in 1611, we cannot go further than the Authorised Version, the King James Bible. Its translation of Matthew 8:2:
    “But the children of the kingdom shall be cast out into the outer darkness; there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth.”
    Is it a bit heavy to say that Mogga is our centurian? Or are (some of) the players centurians, haing faith in their Leader? Too late to e-mail Sentamu.

  19. Here’s your next title AV….
    Brighton Rocked!
    **AV writes: You are the real Kolly Kibber and I claim my five pounds!
    Anyone else want to have a rummage in the big back of cliches and pick a headline?

  20. Hang on, chaps. Have you noticed some people want us to do their jobs for them?
    The “music” festivals where Robbie Williams or some such start singing a song and then hold out the microsphone so the audience can sing the verses. I thought they bought tickets so they could hear Robbie sing, not have to listen to 10,000 drunken, tuneless fans assassinate the song.
    So we come to journalists. On BBC Tees (secret is out then!) you get the Editor of the Northern Echo putting forward his big story, and the very punny headline he is thinking of running (well, when you get the tweet the night before it is the headline he is thinking of running, but by the morning it probably IS the one he is going with). Ali Brownlee tweets the story and invites people to send in an even more punny headline, and in the morning the listeners to hios show are invited to do the same.
    Now, on the Blog, people being encouraged to provide headlines for the result of the Brighton game. Imagine this spreading to the world of catering.
    “Yes, sir, a Spanish omelette will be no problem.”
    “Cheffy – get on twitter – £10 for the bloke who can get the best Spanish omelette to our back door within 15 minutes”.
    I suppose, though, it might work with comedians sending out a request for peoples’ best joke. Could maybe build up an act that way.
    “Perfidious Albion” – Brighton goalie tries in vain to persuade the ref the ball didn’t go over the line for Boro’s first goal, but our photo shows it was near the back of the net before being hooked out.
    “Promotion Hoves into view” – Boro’s 4-0 win, as the top two falter again, strenghtens hope for a return to the Top Flight.
    It’s catching….
    **AV writes: Regent Spark! Boro Ignite to Outwit Brighton Dandies?

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