Kink Rocker

WHAT a strike. What a hero. What a result. What a team. What a masterstroke of a substitution. What a jammy get. What a fantastic feeling when the thunderbolt streaked home. What a crucial watershed moment. What a galvanising goal. And it didn’t even rain.
Dismantle the gallows. Two late strikes from Tarmo King got Gordon Strachan off the hook and kick-started the season. Who ever doubted them? I can’t wait for Reading now. Bring it on. Anger IS an energy.

Naturally, there was an ugly post-match press room squabble up over Tarmo puns. After some good early euphoric collaborations with Boro website man Mike McGeary we split up citing musical differences and arging over copyright issues.
He argued for Tallinn Torpedo as the natural alliterative intro but that rankled with me because naturally while it is an explosive missile with a technically advanced on board guidence system it is fundamentally a sub-marine weapon and should be thus relegated well down the page. Had it been raining, maybe.
Keeping up the military riff I countered by unleashing Estonian Exocet, a formulation that conjures up echoes of not just the destructive power and pinpoint accuracy of expensive hi-tech – and aerial – hardware but also implies qualities of speed, stealth, surprise and distance that are almost impossible to defend against. Let’s be honest, it would be a real shocker if a torpedo flew into the top corner wouldn’t it.
Rocket Quite Close To Russia? Sub-Scandivanian Screamer? Do your own…
There was also a music based ramble going on centred around the word Kink. We certainly celebrated the winner “All Day And All Of The Night.” Again, do your own.
This is what I’ve written for the Gazette featurey thing today….
COMETH the hour….
Just when beleaguered Boro were crying out for a hero to save the day: enter Tarmo Kink, the Estonian Exocet.
The Beckham of the Baltic slammed home a sizzling stoppage time guided missile that screamed into the top corner and hopefully soared straight into legend too.
What a strike! What a hero! What a moment! What a gift for headline writers! Kinky Boots Burnley Into Touch. Parmo King. Parmo Hotshot – Teesside’s Late Night Tasty Treat! Eston Wrecked!
It will enter into Boro folk legend, the famous night the Tallinn Torpedo powered by purest Hicktonite was first unleashed at the Riverside.
The stage is now set for the new boy to seize the moment and Kink Start the season.
After a turgid start to such a crucial campaign, after just two goals in five soporific games from a laboured, lack-lustre side desperately lacking a creative spark, suddenly we have a hero elect. How we have needed that.
Skipper Gary O’Neil was put on the naughty step after the Queen Park Rangers debacle for pointing out that this one-dimensional Boro side were over-stocked with holding men in a cautious engine room and had no-one who could sprinkle a bit of magic, with width or pace, no-one who could go past people and who could hurt teams.
We have all moaned that the mono-paced team are crying out for a match-winning mercurial presence, a real exciting, electrifying force to turn a match in a moment.
Then up steps Kink to do just that – hurt the opposition – with a ballistic double blast in 15 electric minutes of zest and effort and entertainment.
The first was a fantastic low piledriver, a sweet-spot smack from 20 yards that screamed inside the near post with vicious velocity after a fluid move and an excellent square ball from Scott McDonald. He had been on the pitch barely four minutes at that point.
His second couldn’t have been scripted any more dramatically by Hollywood, Bollywood or wherever the centre of the Estonian film industry is. Tallywood? Four minutes into stoppage time, a free-kick right at the far reaches of feasibility and with the pressure on and the clock ticking down… and ice cool Tarmo drilled his unstoppable laser-guided 28 yard Estonian Exocet home to save the day and possibly save the season from a lingering death of empty apathy.
Now, Tarmo Kink is no dream-weaver like Juninho. And the left footed line-hugger is yet to tear up this division in the way Adam Johnson did.
His early outings have shown he has a tendency to drift in and out of games. So far he has not dictated shape and tempo in games, ripped teams apart or been unplayable. Don’t start work on the statue just yet.
But he has shown an eagerness to run at defenders, to cut inside and have a crack. Sometimes he has been a little too ready to unleash his shot.
He was a one man howitzer at Millwall as he bombarded the goals with strikes that flew just high, just wide or straight at the keeper from a variety of distances and angles whenever he got a sight.
At Barnsley too he showed he was willing to go for goal in a livewire performance of perpetual checking inside and peppering the goal from distance if he got a chance.
Let’s hope he has got his eye in now and will get a few more of those ballistic blasts bang on target. We need it.
The goals – especially the second – were a huge boost to flagging morale The last gasp winner could be the galvanising moment that kick-starts a stuttering season.
Certainly the devastating deadball delivery eased the mounting political pressure on Gordon Strachan.
Going into the game there was a background of incipient revolt and trepidation. With discontent rising and crowds plunging the boss, the team and the crowd knew it was time to deliver. Boro had to win and win well.
They delivered. It won’t dramatically change the arguments or swing the numbers irrevocably back on board. And it certainly won’t solve the structural flaws in the team.
But it will buy some breathing space for the boss and the team some time to find its feet deliver more frequently.
“Anger is an energy”, Strachan said before the game with a nod to the mantra of his mate John Lydon. There was plenty of energetic anger on show when Burnley scored.
One irate fan threw his coat at Strachan as he stomped away and there were pockets of vocal dissent as some frustrated fans joined in with away fan taunts of “sacked in the morning” and even a ripple from the militant amnesiacs chanting “one gareth Southgate.”
But despite the blow the Bikey goal landed on Strachan – at that point Boro dipped to second bottom of the second tier, their lowest position in the table since the last day Great Escape against Newcastle back in 1990 – the crowd, those that stayed, like the team dug deep in the closing stages.
The manager did exactly what the supporters were demanding and made some telling changes to switch to a shape and tempo we see get results every week in this league.
He did to Burnley what they had done to Preston at the weekend when 3-1 down – went for the jugular.
Strachan put Kris Boyd on and pushed him up front to play with three strikers in a league game for the first time, the misfiring Scot joining Leroy Lita and Scott McDonald.
And he put the lively Kink on to add a bit of pace and width, to run at the Burnley defence, stretch them, pick a few holes and have a few shots.
This is a poor division and generally it is populated by limited teams packed with average players and if you put them under pressure they make mistakes. If you get attack and get the ball in and around the box they make mistakes in dangerous areas and you can profit from that.
That is what we have seen time and again as Boro have wilted under sustained pressure. Sooner or later we have cracked. This time it was Burnley who cracked and Boro who forced the late winner. Let us hope the penny has dropped.
Certainly Boro set out to attack. Ironically the key was dropping the man who was brought in to score the goals.
With Kris Boyd benched, Lita was given a chance to show what he could do and he offered more pace and movement up front and inked up well with industrious McDonald, the pair showing some good inter-passing and touches.
Behind them there was movement too with Julio Arca – arguably Boro’s best player so far this term – buzzing about, always available and looking to play a neat ball through for the strikers while Gary O’Neil played through the pain barier after picking up an early dead leg to give him support in an all action engine room role. Just behind them Mikael Tavares was efficient and tidy with a lot of short passes that bought time and space and if he did not add soul, he gave a shape and solidity to the midfield.
The lads at the back were solid too. Matthew Bates had his best game of the season and Big Mick grew stronger as the game wore on and in the second half staretd to look like the commanding player who we were all screaming to sign last season. There were a few rocky moments – the zonal marking broke down again at the corner for the equaliser – but generally it was an organised and hard working unit that coped well.
It was far from a brilliant display though. Let’s not get carried away. Boro weathered some heavy pressure and as well as the goal Bikey hit the post and Iwelumo was allowed to get free for a close range header that he looped over. Phew.
And Boro still looked blunt up front for long spells – O’Neil had the only clear cut chance before the goals as an angled close range effort was blocked – but at least they showed some movement, enterprise and intent. And it paid off. They deserve credit for that. And also for coming from behind to win. It showed resilence and spirit.
And at least now we have a hero. Someone who can hurt teams. All hail Kink Tarmo.
FIVE YEARS ago today the Eindhoven bandwago started to roll.
September 15, 2005…. Boro 2 Skoda Xanthi 0, UEFA Cup qualifier first leg.
George Boateng scored early on to take control over “Emerson’s Xanthi” then Mark Viduka sealed it on 81 minutes to help Boro put one foot in the group stages.
Boro: Schwarzer, Xavier, Ehiogu, Bates, Pogatetz, Parlour (Motrrison 74), Doriva, Boateng, Johnson (Queudrue 60), Maccarone (Yakubu 74), Viduka. Subs: Jones, Southgate, Kennedy, Graham.
Att: 14,191


109 thoughts on “Kink Rocker

  1. Patience my friends. Did Boksic, Ravenelli, Branca, Armstrong, Hasselbaink all get off to flyers at the Boro. . . Eh what’s that You say smog? Even Branca? Well i’ll be! And yes I’ll rake the leaves next.
    By the way I wad never going to take that freekick the other night, I just thought I wind you lot up a bit.
    Hat-trick tomorrow
    sleep tight x x

  2. Lets face it the club has a crap director,a crap ceo, a crap menager, crap players and crap fans The club is finished, close the gates and throw the key away.
    **AV writes: Oh, you are so 1980s!

  3. Our club has a wonderful director, a wonderful ceo, a manager with great potential , a quality squad of plaers and marvellous fans. The club is on the up, and we will soon need to close the gates because the ground will be full.

  4. Tarmo.
    I hope you had a good night too.
    3-1 to the mighty Reds. Looks like Tarmo Kink has shown everyone that they should not be scared of shooting.
    Onwards and upwards for the rest of the season.

  5. When that Reevalinho bloke posted last week doubting GS2 and suggesting we give O’Neil a ring, I knew he was talking a load of old tosh.
    Personally I’ve never doubted Strachan for a moment, he’s clearly going to lead us into the top two!!!

  6. AV, any news on Boro getting compensation from Villa for Gary McAllister?, and how much?
    **AV writes: I don’t know. The club were playing hard-ball yesterday and given the need to maximise revenue I think they will have got a good deal. Although it is still a blow to Strachan to lose a hand-picked aide so quickly.

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