RIGHT, you’re all adults. And very astute. The sharpest dressed, best informed bunch among the cyber-space Borognescenti. So I won’t be trying to pull your collective leg with any of those April Fool japes. Oh no.
I thought about it to brighten up tomorrow morning. But then I thought what the hell, let’s get in early and run a cynical spoiler today. But what? I thought about a shock horror outrage exclusive that Sean St Ledger was the latest in the litigation queue outside the High Court sueing Boro for ÃÂ£1m in unpaid loyalty bonuses, plus sporting, economic and image rights. But I didn’t want to give him ideas.
I thought about revealing the PR breakthrough news that Boro bosses had finally decided to give in to Red Faction demands for a flag-waving singing section – but also planned to balance up the ying/yang demands of non-noisy diehards by introducing a quiet section inside sound-proofed perspex where singing, chanting and mobile phones were banned. But I didn’t want to give them ideas.
I thought about doing a “Where Are They Now” flash-back piece complete with interview and archive screen shots of old Gazette back pages featuring the man who was almost Boro’s first ÃÂ£1m signing. Older readers may remember Norwegian schoolboy sensation Olaf Lipor, who had scored with a header from the half-way line on his international debut and who -incredibly – was a diehard Boro fan and had the middle name ‘Hickton’ because his dad had been a Teesside rigger on shore leave in Tromso. (Incidently he is now manager at OFP Arioll.) But that sounded like too much hard work Photoshopping.
Then I considered a “political correctness gone mad” Littlejohn rant at the stupidity of barmy Brussells equality laws on workplace diversity and inclusion that were to come into force on April 1st and would outlaw over the top office banter and ban derogatory terms and phrases like “pasty munching monochrome Mackem” and make it illegal to have a canteen chat about the game without giving equal airtime to outcast rival supporters.
Others on the bench: pictures of the new pink away kit leaked; Brad Jones signs new improved five year deal; Boro green/yellow initiative, car park E to be turned over to cultivation of rape seed as club look to increase revenue and cash in on EU biofuel grants; Third statue planned for Riverside…. Keith Lamb to be immortalised; Boro find work permit application approval – 15 years late! Igor Cvitanovic deal finally goes through. Free agent Juninho poised for six match loan deal… that one always gets the juices of the acolytes flowing.
But then I thought you imagineers of Boro folklore could all do better than that. So get thinking and we’ll have some fun.
IN THE TABLOIDS….
Come on you Irons? West Ham will be the claret and pinks next term as they complete a shirt sponsorship deal with sex shop chain say the Daily Mail
Keep up ref! The man in black will turn to a high-tech answer to the increasing pace of the game, say the Sun
Meanwhile, a quick plug for the Big Boro Survey, an on-line snapshot of public opinion as we go into the final straight and into a summer of turmoil after what has alsready been a season of dislocation.
Have your say on Southgate, Strachan and the squad and http://www.gazettelive.co.uk here