Phoney War Flashbacks

PRE-SEASON eh? It can drag at times. Days of ITK whipers, wishful thinking and idle speculation punctuated by  the odd purchase out of the blue and pictures of a new boy with shirt and scarf aloft then back to the humdrum of links and snippets and gossip and reports of our heroes crushing unknown opposition in distant foreign lands.

We are led to believe there are some talks coming to the “dotting Is and crossing Ts” stage and there will be some inward activity next week to excite and entertain the twitching twitter masses and anxious on-line observers.

In the meantime, here’s a few things to read to get you through the tedium of the window Phoney War,  flashbacks to bits boxed up in the blog attic from previous pre-seasons.

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#FreeJelleVossen – Hashtag Hostage

POLITICALLY motivated Boro fans have launched a tongue-in-cheek  twitter campaign to free hashtag hostage Jelle Vossen.

In an Amnesty International style spoof, Boro fans claim the Belgian footballer is being held against his will, incarcerated in Genk in a plush prison especially constructed from money and legally binding red tape.  Detained dreamweaver  Vossen has  publicly appealed to be released from  the constraints of his contract and called upon his captors to honour their pledge to free him from his sentence. And now he is asking for asylum on Teesside.  And fair-minded Boro fans, crusaders for truth and justice, have responded in their thousands with a humorous on-line attempt to spring him from his jail.

*Campaign logo designed by Steve Welsh (@miniboro_dotcom)
*Campaign logo by Steve Welsh (@miniboro_dotcom)

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Lukas Me Now: Unwanted Juke is Premier bound

LUKAS Jutkiewicz didn’t make the flight to Marbella with Boro. He has been at Burnley today talking over personal terms and taking a medical instead pending a transfer that should be tied up before close of play today.

The Gazette understands the deal will include a hefty up-front fee with built in appearance and performance add-ons and bonuses that could mean Boro get between £2 to £2.25m… which is a great bit of business for a player who was surplus to requirements.

Here’s something I did over the weekend about why Juke is still a frontman in demand despite never really fitting in at the Riverside.

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Vossen and the Void: Fans’ Jitters At Silence

WHERE ARE we? What’s happening? Why aren’t Boro signing people? How can you NOT have Vossen in the bag when he is practically crying like Neymar in a press conference and begging to be released from his Genk nightmare?

Buying footballers is not an exact science. And it is certainly not like any other transaction. It is not a case of Steve Gibson doing a trolley dash round Player 4 U, throwing two strikers, a right-back and a dynamic midfielder with  a big bushy beard and then getting his card out at the check out. Cash-back sir?

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Pick And Mix: Select From Boro’s Slimline Squad

PROJECT Emnes didn’t report to Rockliffe as Aitor’s Avengers Assembled this week. The occasional Dreadlocked Dyamite is believed to be holed up in a plush South Wales hotel smiling enigmatically with his headphones on waiting for his £1.5m move to Swansea to finally be rubber-stamped.

Albert Adomah is on extended leave after smiling his way nervously through a simmering squad revolt in Ghana’s chaotic World Cup campaign and the walking wounded Rhys Williams and Muzzy Carayol were doing light work in the gym while mooted Spanish righ-back Juanfran declined after getting cold feet and  about of pre-emptive homesickness.

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England Expects… But Can’t Deliver (Again)

OH LOOK, a box full of the dusty broken debris of England’s World Cup dream….

While unpacking at the new blog I’ve been having a quick flick through some of the old platform’s “most popular” posts.  I’ll stick a few up over the next couple of weeks as “another chance to see” (summer is always the time  the media run repeats).

Anyway,  here’s one I did earlier on England being the Geordies of world football and the last anguished post-mortem on a fruitless World Cup, back in 2010 in South Africa.

Obviously the names of the scapegoats have changed. Do has much else?

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